BIO: Male, 22.

LOOKING FOR: A lovely lady to share this night with. Must be headstrong, able to handle her alcohol, able to deadlift 225. Preferably 250.

INTERESTS: Dismembering my useless son, cooking him into a tasty dish, and then serving it to the gods at a grand feast in order to test their perception.

TURN-ONS: A Werner Herzog impression, provided it is convincing enough.

TURN-OFFS: Blondes.