William Simasko is a struggling- well, just struggling. Being a redhead interested in comedy, he currently lives in the shadow of SNL’s Ben Marshall but is desperately trying to escape. Being from the state of Michigan, he gets increasingly annoyed by the weather, saying things like “This isn’t that bad, you should see how it is in Michigan.” William is currently on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Diet, in which he eats only 99-cent Ray’s pizza.